I'm such a procrastinator.

You know when you're rushing to do something then you reach a hurdle- a deadline, an event- and everything just slows down? That's how it is now. Seven days in! Seven days past New Year's Day just floated by. And all the things I was stressing about in December took a back seat in my mind.

January always feels like the top of the world, looking down at the vast expanse beneath. You look at the rest of the year and think that you have so much time ahead of you. 

But now the pandemic left me feeling like there isn't time left to us. It's stupid because I always waste time. I always put whatever aspiration I have in the backburner to dry out thinking that it would still be there in the far-off someday when I do decide to go out in the world. Now it feels like the world isn't out there anymore. Even if I chose to step out, the world has closed itself; it isn't up to me anymore. 

It's odd, like I should be rushing to do something in indignation at how things are. Well, not now. Maybe next week..🙃

 I looked over my Facebook feed and thought, "Why can't I live like this?"

I only have a a handful of Facebook friends. Facebook had always been about the other people in my life, keeping tabs on what they do and not about me. So I kept the numbers low and very rarely added anyone unless I was embarrassed to face someone knowing I didn't add them.

One of the people constantly sharing on my feed was a girl I had a language class with. From anime, art, music and pretty quotes, I loved nearly everything she shared. We're more acquaintances than friends yet I resonated more with what she shared than with what my other friends shared. This is great, I thought, I wish I could be like this, immersing myself in anime and art and music...

Wait, why can't I live like this?

It's not even that deep. I don't have to be an artist or musician or anything of the sort to indulge myself in things that make my soul smile but so far I kep myself from that and pulled myself back.