Bye 2020

Just like that, my December was spent like water flowing through my fingers. 

I could say the same thing about my entire year, I have wasted it all, but now I can truly say I'm not the only one! 

It's been a tough year. I'm near hermit-levels of introversion and even this year has been hard on me. But if anything good came out of it for me, it's having a stronger conviction of what I want.

The next year doesn't seem promising. With the pandemic still here, I can envision that we'll be spending most of next year still stuck where we are. But I'm actually hopeful that I can move forward in ways that I never had before.

 

I started the day contemplating if I should go out. Like when was the last time I went out? July? 

I know other people had been itching to go out for less than the essentials. Today I could do the same, but thinking about what I needed to keep safe- mask, shield, alcohol, and constant disinfection from leaving until I get back- feels like more work than it's worth. 

The year isn't over yet but I think everyone's ready to call it a day. 

And I was thinking about how little I have done compared to what I could have accomplished in the time that we had. I could have finally lost that weight like I had been meaning to then- boom! Step into 2021 like an Instagram fitness goddess! Or craft myself to Martha Stewart levels of domestic know-how. But yeah, no. No 24 -inch waistline here, or banana bread expert in the making. I am no further than where I had been last year.

Yet, somehow, I feel more productive than I had been for years. I've been teaching myself to change how I think. When the days brought lethargy and anxiety, I did what I could and constantly told me to forgive myself for the rest. Then I moved like a snail to keep going forward. 

Keep going forward.