I knew there would be a time when I wouldn't be able to come.  

I left flowers just a few times since you've been gone.  Even then I knew one day I wouldn't.  Lives change. People go on. But I didn't think it would be so soon. 

I think of you often. Sometimes I'd listen to kpop and think that we could have shared that more.  Then I'd remember you follow boy groups more and I follow girl groups so maybe not, lol. Sometimes I'd wonder what you'd think about something that happened. Sometimes I missed you starting conversations, like clockwork on Viber.  Sometimes I wished I just shared more with you.

Sometimes I'd feel sad that you're missing out on so much, but then I'd remember that you have done so much more than I ever could have. You met friends often, traveled, went to mountains, explored a cave and tried to convince me that it was perfectly safe, lol. You shared you art and shared your joy. You lived life and I could only wish I could say the same.

I will always look up to you in that regard. Even if I don't come back, it doesn't mean that I've forgotten you. I will never forget you.

I could probably stay silent forever.  And it's not even because I won't ever get lonely. 

I sometimes think about the people I know.  I think about them, but I don't drop a line. Not a word, not a peep.  It's not because I don't remember them, or wonder how they are. It just got extremely easy to not say anything at all.

Thoughts are painful. Memories are painful. What I've committed to paper, I've burned. Sometimes I wish I didn't because it just got harder to write anything at all.

Words unheard. You only have to look at the person you're talking to and wonder why you even had to start in the first place. I learned. I learned fast. And my world grew quieter.

Most days it doesn't bother me. But some days I know better. I bought myself a new lease on this blog's life hoping I could finally do something about it. Force myself to say something. Even just for myself.