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Lessons from Death

13 September 2018
It was strange the day after it happened; waking up to a world without you. It was strange when nothing in the world really changed, but somehow in my mind there is a wall that stands in between this world and the world with you in it.  

And when I was just about to come to terms with it, it happened again. And waking up thinking you're no longer there is a cold reality. 

One took away my pain.  
The other inspired me to live again.

I had been so sure of my actions before then.  I was so sure I could stand by my decisions. I understood what I only learned as words, that to love is to regret.

It was strange thinking of leaving it all, and stranger still to be left behind.





15 March 2018
I've been hoping inspiration dawns on me.  I've been here for a while. It isn't happening.

When I was paying to keep my domain name, I thought about stopping to ask myself why. I'm shelling out around $11 to keep a blog I hardly write in, for what?  That's $11 that I could have better spent on cheeseburgers to fill up my empty heart.  But I don't feel ready to give it up just yet.

One more year, one more go.