I didn't go to a college graduation. "A" college graduation, because right now I'm not even sure I knew I had one to attend. I can't remember. I was an Octoberian, a student who completed her schooling in that awkward time frame between being too late and too early for graduation. I was a freak out of schedule.
I think I can assume there was a ceremony I could have attended. But then, I didn't actually care. No, let me rephrase that. I cared, just not enough to stay.
There wasn't any defining moment when life came on a standstill. From sitting at that bench in my school's old building, waiting for my paperwork to come through, to leaving, I walked out of my life.
There wasn't one particular day I could look back on, a day to regret or resent for the choices I made. That day was built on years of sorrow, of frustration, of anguish and tears. On that bench, I struggled to breathe.
From where I sat, everything else was shrouded by the darkness hanging over my head. A graduation was a little more than a passing thought entertained with the question, "What for?"
It kills me to try to explain to others what I haven't put in words all those years, the why's and how this life came to be. So they make their own conclusions and make their words mine. I hate to admit how much that hurts me but I've learned to endure it. Because mine is a story they cannot tell.
I walked away, but I'm coming back today.
I think I can assume there was a ceremony I could have attended. But then, I didn't actually care. No, let me rephrase that. I cared, just not enough to stay.
There wasn't any defining moment when life came on a standstill. From sitting at that bench in my school's old building, waiting for my paperwork to come through, to leaving, I walked out of my life.
There wasn't one particular day I could look back on, a day to regret or resent for the choices I made. That day was built on years of sorrow, of frustration, of anguish and tears. On that bench, I struggled to breathe.
From where I sat, everything else was shrouded by the darkness hanging over my head. A graduation was a little more than a passing thought entertained with the question, "What for?"
It kills me to try to explain to others what I haven't put in words all those years, the why's and how this life came to be. So they make their own conclusions and make their words mine. I hate to admit how much that hurts me but I've learned to endure it. Because mine is a story they cannot tell.
I walked away, but I'm coming back today.
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