Wake me up

Wake me up.  

That's what I want this year.

I wouldn't call myself a patient person but my life has long been about waiting.  It dulls the senses.  It always feels like standing at the precipice of something. 

I spent a good part of last year trying to unload some stuff I've been holding on to.  I even discarded emails.  I read one conversation with a friend where she reminded me of how much she used to swear and I how I would call her out on it.  Oh, the effing irony!  Now I swear like a pirate without an inclination to ever stop.  

Some things I found made me laugh.  Most of the time it was just depressing.  When I found that email I laughed out loud.  I swear a lot and I brush off my family's insistence on curbing my tongue, because how else can I release steam?  But it's different being confronted by my own hypocrisy.  It's funny, then it's sad.  It's sad, because in letters and memories I see an image of myself that no longer exists.  It's like losing a dear friend, and I miss her.