By My Lonesome

I tried one of those wedge sneakers the other day and my legs and feet were killing me.  I think I forgot how to walk because one foot hurt more than the other.  Really?  How many flaws in this body need correcting?

I took a break in a McDonalds.  I didn't know the Megamall branch had a McCafe. I didn't actually want to eat but I needed a reason to sit there. I got the Nutty Brazo de Mercedes and medium latte combo.  There's cream and chocolate chips in the middle instead of the typical yolk custard things so it was lighter than a typical Brazo.  When I got home my sister asked me how it was. Well, the coffee tasted like coffee, how else should it taste like?  I just don't like how much ice it had, and I typically love a lot of ice, but it looked like they were trying to make the cream float with that bed of ice.  It was like a Coke Float, which I hate by the way, because a third of the cup is just ice so you end up feeling unsatisfied with the topping and the drink itself.

When my feet stopped twitching, I resumed window shopping. It didn't take long before my legs started to cry for help.  So I found some benches in the mall but they were mostly occupied with cuddling lovebirds and grumpy looking folks.  Then I found an empty rocking chair and collapsed right into it.  I was there for ten minutes before I saw the sign.

All four rocking chairs were now occupied by relatively young people. Then an older lady started hovering in front of us.  I felt guilty.  But I feel so old!  My legs are falling apart!  I'm kinda warranted sitting here!  And I was thinking, 'Just force me out.  I can't leave on my own so if you tell me to go I will.'  But she just left, and I continued welding myself to the chair.

The Day I Walked Away

I didn't go to a college graduation. "A" college graduation, because right now I'm not even sure I knew I had one to attend.  I can't remember.  I was an Octoberian, a student who completed her schooling in that awkward time frame between being too late and too early for graduation. I was a freak out of schedule.

I think I can assume there was a ceremony I could have attended. But then, I didn't actually care.  No, let me rephrase that.  I cared, just not enough to stay.

There wasn't any defining moment when life came on a standstill.  From sitting at that bench in my school's old building, waiting for my paperwork to come through, to leaving, I walked out of my life.

There wasn't one particular day I could look back on, a day to regret or resent for the choices I made.  That day was built on years of sorrow, of frustration, of anguish and tears. On that bench, I struggled to breathe.

From where I sat, everything else was shrouded by the darkness hanging over my head.  A graduation was a little more than a passing thought entertained with the question, "What for?"

It kills me to try to explain to others what I haven't put in words all those years, the why's and how this life came to be.  So they make their own conclusions and make their words mine.  I hate to admit how much that hurts me but I've learned to endure it.  Because mine is a story they cannot tell.

I walked away, but I'm coming back today.

Movie: Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation

My sister has been very lucky  with this mobile promotion she joined. She's won movie tickets a few times and I fulfilling my duties as a sister, tagged along for the ride. Her latest score are  tickets to Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation.

Mission Impossible

I haven't seen any film in a while so this was a treat. If I had a choice, I probably wouldn't have chosen to see Tom Cruise on the big screen from the roster of other films that were showing, but I was surprised.

Tom Cruise is as versatile as ever, carrying the film from macho to goofy seamlessly. Miss What's Her Name is gorgeous without appearing out of place, with legs that inspire me to exercise. She's doing the near impossible all while still seeming relatable.

It was great entertainment. There's a story to sink your teeth into, but it's kept light with awkward, situational humor. It's nicely paced; the action sequences aren't dragging. It's sexy without sex, which was also nice. It's a testament that we could have really good movies without weirdly justified sex scenes.

It would have been worth the money if we actually paid for it.

First time to buy a figure: Asuka from Evangelion

A few months I thought about buying a figure of Asuka from Evangelion.  My criteria was simple: pretty and cheap.

 

Not sure if that's a stamp coz, who tapes a stamp?

I didn't find any Evangelion gashapon nor did I find anything I wanted in the stores I visited. I liked a bunch of things, some even discounted, but it didn't make sense to get them because I had no idea who they were or where they were from. There's an amazing array of synthetic boobs on a lot figures by the way, just saying.

I went online and just about drowned myself in every permutation of the character.  It's a popular character, I know, but the popularity plus more than a decade of existence has resulted into a ridiculous amount of figures.  You have Asuka in school uniform, nurse uniform, Santa outfit, lolita dress, casual dress, miniskirt, bikini, and three plugsuit designs, and then you have Asuka in those outfits in various poses: sitting, lying down, standing, standing leg apart, standing leg apart with nonexistent wind blowing through hair. And that's not even counting the articulated figures you can pose yourself.  And the tiny keychain dolls.

The lowest price I found is a couple of dollars for figures that were not pretty and listed as second hand, not including shipping!  That's still expensive considering the faces looked like they halfway melted.  The articulated ones go for around $30 at the lowest not including shipping.

Taray!

I did manage to find something I liked. It still cost me more than what I'd like to actually pay for it, but what the hell.  I was already regretting not getting the figure I saw at a convention.  It was more expensive by a couple of hundred pesos but it was twice as big as this one that I was getting, so I thought I'd rather not regret getting this one too.

Lol at the package it came in.  And to think I worry about how I send out my packages.

Lucky it didn't rain?

Seriously?  Half a paper bag? Maybe it's a zen thing, going minimal and stuff.  Like, why bother with the useless top half of an empty paper bag? *Snip*Snip*

The package consisted of the body, two unattached legs, and a stand, all together wrapped in a bubble wrap and sandwiched by two cardboard pieces.  I'm surprised it survived the trip.  It took way longer than I thought it would (about two months) but overall I'm quite pleased with it.

My sister found a quick fix for keeping it dust free because I don't have a case for it:

< Pint sized? :)

Getting our PLDT myDSL fixed

If this year was a 365-page book, then I'd say this is a misprint because I'm 45+ days in with nothing to show for it.

Today is a pretty warm day. I've missed out on the last couple of weeks of cold weather because I had been sick.  Though truth be told I wouldn't count on not missing it even if I hadn't been sick.  I miss out on a lot of things.  It's become my thing.

I even missed out on changing my template.  I wanted falling snow on my template for December.  My phone wallpaper is simple Christmas tree made of glowing yellow sparkly things against a red background while glowing yellow specks fall slowly, like it's snowing embers.  So I wanted snow on my blog. But my internet reverted to dial-up speed.

My family went out to attend a wake.  As usual, we unplug nearly everything save for the refrigerator. When we came back we turned the modem back on and the internet was nearly dead.  We thought it would be temporary and we waited as days turned to weeks.  It turned to weeks because I was apprehensive about calling the tech.  It was already past mid-December and the holidays were piling up.

My internet last December.

It was January by the time I called.  I called once everyday for a few days to check up on the status of my complaint.  After a week, I stumbled out of bed when we got a call from the phone company.  I thought it was the technician but I got a very excited woman at the other end of the line.  It was a telemarketer trying to sell me some internet.  I said, 'Oh, we already have internet from your company.  I thought you were calling about my complaint because I called last week about a problem with our internet.'  I could feel her enthusiasm crash but she tried to recover from her disappointment and pressed, 'What's wrong with your internet?'  'It's terribly slow.' I could hear her fade into oblivion as she mumbled, 'That's for 172...' Click.

Slightly amused and still very sleepy I climbed back to bed.  Until I scrambled back out when I heard the phone ring again a few minutes later.  The technician has arrived and I wasn't prepared in the slightest.  I sort of knew this was going to happen.  For one thing I had barely cleaned up the room.  And I look like hell.  I've barely even slept much less make myself remotely presentable. It didn't even occur to me just how ridiculous our tiny home might have been.  As the technician tilted his head to the right I thought, 'Is he wondering why we have three fans, a desk fan, box fan and stand fan, in close proximity to each other?'  Then he volunteered to change our computer clock because I forgot to correct it,so he glanced to the alarm clock beside my monitor for reference then to our wall clock, none of which displayed the correct time, before relying on his own watch instead. And did I mention that I had two mice connected to the PC at the time?  An optical mouse and a trackball mouse.

When asked about the internet problem without thinking I said, "Umalis kami para pumunta ng lamay.  Pag balik namin patay na."  That so didn't come out right.

My speed after getting it fixed.  You think this is slow? It's only been a couple of years since we gave up on dial-up connection.  I still have a 56k modem in my PC.  I could still hear the handshake in my head.

I wasn't sure how it was fixed.  I was sleepy, anxious and slightly embarrassed.  And when it was done I even forgot to offer the technician anything to drink.  I hope he fared better in other homes.

Wake me up

Wake me up.  

That's what I want this year.

I wouldn't call myself a patient person but my life has long been about waiting.  It dulls the senses.  It always feels like standing at the precipice of something. 

I spent a good part of last year trying to unload some stuff I've been holding on to.  I even discarded emails.  I read one conversation with a friend where she reminded me of how much she used to swear and I how I would call her out on it.  Oh, the effing irony!  Now I swear like a pirate without an inclination to ever stop.  

Some things I found made me laugh.  Most of the time it was just depressing.  When I found that email I laughed out loud.  I swear a lot and I brush off my family's insistence on curbing my tongue, because how else can I release steam?  But it's different being confronted by my own hypocrisy.  It's funny, then it's sad.  It's sad, because in letters and memories I see an image of myself that no longer exists.  It's like losing a dear friend, and I miss her.